“THIS IS IT”, I thought. The receptionist just told me that he was ready for me. I sprung up with excitement and bolted to the door. Today was the day I was going to get that job at MARVEL COMICS….. SO BEGINS MY FUTURE!!! I entered the office. The walls were plastered with original comic pages the desk and chairs were stacked with comic books, scripts, and other comic related materials. It look just as I imagined it would. He said, “Nice to meet you Jean-Paul. My name is… his name was John Lewendiwski, (hope I spelled it right), and he was the talent coordinator with Marvel Comics. I eagerly sat down, and we got acquainted with each other for the next couple of minutes. I told him my background, how long I’ve been drawing, etc…, and he the same on what he did. He looked at me and said, “Ok, lets see what you’ve got! Here we go!”, I thought. He’s gonna see these pages and the I’m in. I went into my bag and handed him this……
He looked at them. I don’t know how well or even if he played poker, but his face didn’t change; not surprise, nor disappointment. He just looked at him. I couldn’t read him. There was nothing in the air, nor a sense of what he was thinking, therefore I didn’t know whether to be comfortable or not. As he opened his mouth, my eyes widened. “Well…”, he said. “ I can tell you put a lot of work into this, but there are some things you need to work on.” Those were the worse words an creator ( of any field) will hear. On a scale of a individual it could mean “You stink.”, or, “You just need to work on it more.”, ultimately, it means “ Today, YOU ARE NOT WORTHY!”
And with that, Mr. Lewendowski started the deconstruction I would have come to known for my ENTIRE career as an illustrator. For my first official professional critique, it wasn’t bad. Although I didn’t get a gig, I left feeling his criticisms were not only on point, but were told to me in a way that helped me see and improve with the next set of pages. With that, and his great advise about how to improve myself, the work only got better. See…
And with that, Mr. Lewendowski started the deconstruction I would have come to known for my ENTIRE career as an illustrator. For my first official professional critique, it wasn’t bad. Although I didn’t get a gig, I left feeling his criticisms were not only on point, but were told to me in a way that helped me see and improve with the next set of pages. With that, and his great advise about how to improve myself, the work only got better. See…
The work DID get better. But no gigs landed. I thought , hell I still think ( looking back at these pages), that maybe for at least SOME of these pages, I should have received some work. In time, I received work for the smaller companies with the improved work, but NOT from the majors. With that, the gentile and powerful whoop-ass from Mr. Lewendowski became less and less with others who saw my work. I received less what’s wrong, but more “ your just not ready.”, without a “Here’s why…”. For a while, like anyone in my shoes ( I think), that really bothered me…. Especially because it was work that I compared next to others, and through that it warranted a shot at being published.
Batman sample ( my favorite)
Batman sample ( my favorite)
Now, I understand that art is SUBJECTIVE, and everybody has an opinion, HOWEVER at the same time, I received no answers on what exactly was wrong. Eventually that turned into ‘Why isn’t this worth publishing? ” Now for a illustrator, ..WAIT, SCRATCH THAT, a creator, hearing that your not ready, but not hearing why, is maddening. Maddening, being the nice way to say it. The kicker was that when I showed it to OTHER PUBLISHERS (small press guys), or jut other, some high profile artist and other creators in the field, I started to get the “ Why aren’t you working?”
Witchblade sample
Through the years, I’ve happily worked for a lot of smaller press publishers, even more indy publishers: All great relationships that grew as an artist. In the back of my mind however there was always a nagging idea of me not being well enough to be published by the big guys… and I didn’t know why. The work I was receiving was fine, but to draw the characters, that as a child I grew up watching on TV or read in comic books would be a dream come true.
That’s child’s dream. Nothing wrong with children dreaming, but as an adult , I KNOW more about what I want, and therefore, I can dream bigger: Even better, I can plan, plot and execute actions for those dreams to come true. That idea gives me hindsight for the bigger picture and what happened in all the tries of getting into the club. I was honing my skills. I was expanding my skills. In doing that I BECAME a creator. In time and failure I learned to do this.
That’s child’s dream. Nothing wrong with children dreaming, but as an adult , I KNOW more about what I want, and therefore, I can dream bigger: Even better, I can plan, plot and execute actions for those dreams to come true. That idea gives me hindsight for the bigger picture and what happened in all the tries of getting into the club. I was honing my skills. I was expanding my skills. In doing that I BECAME a creator. In time and failure I learned to do this.
Thundercats
Let’s pretend with my first, 2nd, HELL, 20th attempt I scored a gig and started penciling for the bigs. If I did a good job, meet my deadlines (which I learned to exceed), and if the readers liked it, it’s safe to say that I would probably get steady work. Steady work, which is continuous, pays well, and keeps me busy. That sounds great,.. hell, THAT IS GREAT! It is, BUT in the end, after working non stop, not having time to test you limits or learn new ones, are you a better artist? When I started submitting and receiving rejection letters, I could do a page a night, standard page count for comic artist. I could ink, but that slowed down the work, but that was about it.
Now I can draw THREE pages a day, inked, and lettered with a fully colored book within a week.
Now I can draw THREE pages a day, inked, and lettered with a fully colored book within a week.
That process I developed for myself only came through the failure to secure a gig. Through trial and error I was able to hone my skills unintentionally. In time, from doing this, I got curious about doing more. Creating my own book. I wanted to see what and if I could do it. I already written the story of Sons of Fate written out in its entirety (which is another thing I taught myself), but that was about it. My last gig was for Dynamite Entertainment. Damsels, (Mermaids)] was finished and the contract was complete. I decided then was the best time to start on Sons of Fate, especially because it was between jobs. January 1st, 2014. I locked myself in my studio and began work. I was done March 28, 2014. A 115 page graphic novel fully colored, inked, lettered, drawn and ……CREATED by me. With none of that done BEFORE January 1st.
I owe all that to FAILURE!
I cannot and will rate how well I am at this skillset, but I I’ll admit it would have been something I would have never have cultivated if I just drew pages, even if I was inking my own work. The best thing is in developing this I have not only become the creator but have discovered a hunger to create instead of anticipating work: which in short makes the creator more valuable to publisher. Even in terms of working with others, I can better direct, and when is needed, be directed. In short everything in terms on my artwork was improved. Again, I owe all that to failure,
Now, if Marvel (Disney), DC or any others call me and offer me work, does that mean I won’t accept? Of course I will accept. But on a whole of what I want to do is a lot bigger than pencil Spidey (although that still would be awesome). But now, my ambitions are far larger than awesome. If the work itself is better, then everybody is happy. Remember all of the work that you have seen was submitted to multiple companies, none were accepted.
I cannot and will rate how well I am at this skillset, but I I’ll admit it would have been something I would have never have cultivated if I just drew pages, even if I was inking my own work. The best thing is in developing this I have not only become the creator but have discovered a hunger to create instead of anticipating work: which in short makes the creator more valuable to publisher. Even in terms of working with others, I can better direct, and when is needed, be directed. In short everything in terms on my artwork was improved. Again, I owe all that to failure,
Now, if Marvel (Disney), DC or any others call me and offer me work, does that mean I won’t accept? Of course I will accept. But on a whole of what I want to do is a lot bigger than pencil Spidey (although that still would be awesome). But now, my ambitions are far larger than awesome. If the work itself is better, then everybody is happy. Remember all of the work that you have seen was submitted to multiple companies, none were accepted.
Here’s the point!
As with everyone who has created ANYTHING, we all know there are far more darker days than better days. Like you, I have had days when I just want to pack it up and leave. With that I say to you.. DO NOT DO THAT. No matter what, keep on going. Understand that you in the process you are perfecting your skills. In many cases you could grow past your first expectations. Pressure and time are the two things that move things the most.
This was me at a time when I think I could’ve and should’ve received work:
This is me now.
This is one of the new goals….
As with everyone who has created ANYTHING, we all know there are far more darker days than better days. Like you, I have had days when I just want to pack it up and leave. With that I say to you.. DO NOT DO THAT. No matter what, keep on going. Understand that you in the process you are perfecting your skills. In many cases you could grow past your first expectations. Pressure and time are the two things that move things the most.
This was me at a time when I think I could’ve and should’ve received work:
This is me now.
This is one of the new goals….
See that shit?! STRAIGHT OUT OF HIS HEAD! I don’t know how close I am, I would say that I can kinda do that, but not as confidently as he does and successfully (yet).
There is no ceiling. Know that you will never reach a summit. If you do it only gives sight to another yet to be reached.
As a field, as a creator, with the growth of what you can do, comes the betterment of the industry on a whole. Would it be better to draw a few X-Men comics, of create your own series where you did more than that. THAT IS THE BI-PRODUCT OF YOUR FAILURE. Although it is a setback, sometimes a devastating setback, something that makes you want to stop, it is temporary. Keep pushing forward. In the end if you do you raise your bar, as well as your understanding about who you are as an artist and what you expect from yourself. Your temporary failure will become your ultimate success.
Keep drawing! Keep creating, no matter what.
There is no ceiling. Know that you will never reach a summit. If you do it only gives sight to another yet to be reached.
As a field, as a creator, with the growth of what you can do, comes the betterment of the industry on a whole. Would it be better to draw a few X-Men comics, of create your own series where you did more than that. THAT IS THE BI-PRODUCT OF YOUR FAILURE. Although it is a setback, sometimes a devastating setback, something that makes you want to stop, it is temporary. Keep pushing forward. In the end if you do you raise your bar, as well as your understanding about who you are as an artist and what you expect from yourself. Your temporary failure will become your ultimate success.
Keep drawing! Keep creating, no matter what.